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*The Bedpan Incident* 1/24/02 ______________________________________ If you enjoy this free daily email service, I encourage you to spread the word to family and friends that we may bring inspiration into the lives of many! If you are not on the list and this has been passed along to you, join the thousands of HeartTouchers.com readers around the world by sending an e-mail with the word "Subscribe" in the subject line to: HeartTouchers@aol.com Visit our inspirational web site and read all the past stories in our archives at: http://www.HeartTouchers.com ____________________________________________ Happy New Year from HeartTouchers.com From now on we will be offering our book, Straight From the Heart "A Celebration of Life" for only $13 (instead of the regular price of $14.95), and best of all, we will pay the shipping! So if you have any interest in purchasing an autographed copy of the book for yourself, or as a gift for your loved ones, now is the time to get it! To order your autographed copy send a check or money order for $13 (We pay the shipping!) for each book made out to Michael T. Powers, and then send it to: Michael T. Powers 1918 Liberty Lane Janesville, WI 53545 To preview the book by reading some of the stories visit: http://www.HeartTouchers.com/michael_t__powers/ AOL Users Click below: Straight From the Heart: A Celebration of Life _________________________________________ THE INCIDENT WITH THE BEDPAN By Al Batt I am one of those men who likes to live on the edge. By that I mean that I do not fill my pickup with gasoline until the needle of the fuel gauge has dipped well into the red area. The red, of course, means danger. This habit of mine does not go unnoticed by my wife, The Queen B. Wives do not miss much. She is constantly reminding me of the foolishness of my actions or my inactions. She is forever telling me that I am going to run out of gas one day and then I would be sorry. I listen to her. Our wedding vows stated that I had to love, honor and listen to her. I listen and then I wait until that needle ventures into the red before fueling up. I was on a pizza run to Hartland the other day when the old pickup sputtered and ran out of gas. It really wasn't my fault. I think the fuel gauge must have gone bad. That happens a lot. I could hear my wife's voice telling me how sorry I would be if I ran out of gas. I knew that I would truly be sorry only if she found out that I had run out of gas. I could just hear her, "Honestly, if Allen's brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to prime the lawn mower." Or, "Allen, the village called, it is missing its idiot." My pickup was resting right at the end of Pat Pending's driveway. His driveway is an extremely long one, even longer than sitting through a Minnesota Vikings' game. Pat is our neighborhood inventor. He has more patents than Carter used to have Little Liver Pills. Pat's wife is named Pat, too. Some years back, she was runner-up in the Miss North Dakota contest. She would have won, but her tractor broke down during the talent competition. I walked up the drive and knocked on the door of Pat's shop. I knew he'd be in there inventing something, he always is. Pat came to the door. He greeted me and then he had to show me his latest invention, a lawn mower engine that runs on toenail clippings. Then he had to give me a look at an alarm clock that uses an electric cattle prod to get people out of bed and then apologizes. The U.S. Marine Corps is interested in it if he can remove the apology part. Pat has a lot of great inventions. I finally got around to asking him for some gas and he told me to help myself. I told him that I was sorry to bother him, but not as sorry as I would be if my wife, The Queen B, found out that I had run out of gas. I had another minor problem and that was that I didn't have a gas can. Pat Pending didn't have one either. All of his went into his building the world's largest lock washer. Can you believe that "Good Morning America" still hasn't come out to take a look at that? I mean it is the world's largest lock washer. Pat and I looked around in all of his junk and the only thing we found that could possibly hold gasoline was what looked like an old bedpan. It looked like an old bedpan because it was an old bedpan. I took that bedpan and filled it with gas. I told Pat that I'd be right back and began hoofing it back to my stalled truck. The Pending's dog, Phideaux, a French poodle, accompanied me. I'm sure it was worried that I was swiping the bedpan. The driveway had become even longer in my absence. I hiked as fast as a man can who is carrying a bedpan full of gas. I got to the pickup, removed the gas cap and began to pour the gas from the bedpan into the gas tank. I was hurrying to get the gas in before my wife learned of my foolishness. While I was busy doing this, one of Hartland's Lutheran ministers, Reverend Pastor, drove by. I nodded at the passing car, quite happy that it wasn't my wife. The good Reverend hadn't gone far past me when he hit his brakes. He put his car into reverse, backed up to me and watched as I poured the contents of the bedpan into the gas tank of my pickup. Reverend Pastor rolled down the window of his car and said, "Now that is what I call faith." Al Batt SnoEowl@aol.com Write Al and let him know your thoughts on his story! _______________________________ Al Batt lives on a farm near Hartland, Minnesota. Besides being a husband to Gail, father and grandfather; Al is a newspaper columnist, a radio and TV personality, a storyteller, a tour leader and an avid birder. Be sure to check out the interview we did with Al in case you missed it earlier today: http://www.HeartTouchers.com/Al_Batt AOL Users Click Here: Al Batt _________________________________________ Thought For The Day: "Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it." -- Doug Larson Verse for the Day: "I would have you learn this great fact: that a life of doing right is the wisest life there is. If you live that kind of a life, you'll not limp or stumble as you run." Proverbs 4:11,12 Kid's Thought For The day: "Where you're going is more important than where you stand." Parent's Thought For The Day "Children are natural mimics -- they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners." Coach's Thought For The Day "Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough." --George Washington Carver Writer's Thought For The Day: "If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing." Kingsley Amis Deep Thought For The Day: "I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's going to be up all night." ___________________________________________ _ /_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS \_\ / HeartTouchers@aol.com /_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no \_\/\ \ longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I \_\/ live in the body I live for the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20 ___________________________________________ The copyrights to the stories that appear in HeartTouchers.com are owned by the authors and are used with their permission. We refuse to run stories without the author's permission and contact info listed after the story. We also refuse to publish stories listed as "author unknown." (All of which violates Copyright Law and the rights of the authors.) This e-mail may be forwarded in its entirety, but please do not cut and paste the stories to be used elsewhere unless you have contacted and been given permission by the individual writer. Thank you so much for honoring the rights of those writers who graciously share their stories with us! __________________________________________ Video Imagery --Michael's Video Production Business "I thought of you first after my family sat down to watch the video we gave them. They loved it, to say the least! Within thirty seconds my mom was crying and my dad did too. They said it was the best Christmas gift we could have given them!! You did such a beautiful job! They were so surprised and so touched--they really, really, really loved it. Thanks for helping to make it so special to us all. My mom mentioned how the songs were perfect for the video too! Thanks again!" Kelli-- College Station, TX Let me make you a video from your pictures or home movies! Check out the web page for Michael's video production business! Visit: http://www.hearttouchers.com/video_imagery/ AOL Users click here: Video Imagery ___________________________________________ Would you like to see your story in HeartTouchers.com? Writer's guidelines can be found on our Web site here: http://www.HeartTouchers.com/guidelines/ AOL Users click here: Writer's Guidelines ___________________________________________ SUBSCRIBE: "I need a daily source of inspiration and encouragement in my life!" To become a HeartTouchers.com Member send an e-mail with "Subscribe" in the subject line to: HeartTouchers@AOL.COM Then get ready to laugh, cry, and be deeply touched by some of the best stories on the Internet! __________________________________________ UNSUBSCRIBE: All you have to do is send an e-mail with the word "Unsubscribe" in the subject line to: HeartTouchers@aol.com Give it a day or two to be processed... __________________________________________ Do you feel as if life has no meaning for you? http://www.greatcom.org/english/four.htm AOL Users click here: The Four Spiritual Laws __________________________________________ |
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Touching Lives - One E-mail at a Time! Author Michael T. Powers - HeartTouchers @ aol.com
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