{Straight From the Heart} *Playing Possum* 2/25/00
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It's time to laugh again...
From time to time I like to step back from the serious and
inspirational type stories that I send out, and make room for a
lighter one...
We have another story from Scott Adams, the creator of the famous
Dilbert comic, that you read in your paper every day, and now the
Dilbert TV show. My thanks to Scott for sharing his talent with
all of us here at Straight From the Heart.
Michael
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Playing Possum
By: Scott Adams
When you own a house, there is no shortage of unpleasant and
disgusting tasks that must be performed on a regular basis.
Eventually, Induhviduals will handle those chores. For now, Pam and
I divide the labor for disgusting tasks this way: Pam alerts me that
a disgusting task must be performed, then I perform it. This system
has worked well for spider assassinations, clogged shower drains,
toxic spills, and all manner of cat box issues. Recently Pam
alerted me that a possum was at the bottom of the swimming pool. My
job was to get it out.
This was my most challenging job yet.
As a vegetarian, I can only handle seeing dead animals up to a
certain size before I get a serious case of the heebie jeebies. I'm
not too bothered looking at dead bugs and mice, under the theory
that "they are little." But this possum was way above my heebie
jeebie threshold. Worse yet, possums are notorious for pretending
to be dead. I wasn't about to be fooled by the oldest trick in the
animal kingdom.
I looked carefully to see if the possum was breathing through a thin
reed of some sort. I saw nothing. Nor did I see any air tanks or
diving apparatus. The only possibility was that he was holding his
breath. I checked the Internet to see how long a possum can hold
its breath. Apparently much research needs to be done in that area.
As luck would have it, today was the day the pool cleaning service
was scheduled to clean the pool. If I pretended I didn't know there
was a possum down there, the pool guy would have to fish it out.
That way HE would be the one embarrassed by the possum's trickery.
The only problem with that approach is that if the possum was really
dead, the pool guy would have to leave it somewhere. He certainly
wasn't going to take it with him in the truck. ("Here, little
buddy, you ride shotgun.") If I were the pool guy, I'd be mad that I
had to take a possum out of a pool. For revenge, I'd try to think
up a funny place to put it, like in the hammock.
So I decided to take care of the job myself. I took the
pool-cleaning apparatus that has a shallow net on the end of a long
pole. That is the preferred tool for possum removal. Not only can
it reach the bottom of the pool, but because it's long, it has the
leverage you need to fling the possum over the fence and into the
neighbor's pool.
This method worked well. The only problem is that every other day
the possum is back in my pool. I expect some tension at the next
neighborhood block party.
By Scott Adams
ScottAdams@aol.com
Send Scott an email and let him know what you thought of his story!
Scott Adams is the creator and author of the renowned Dilbert comic strip,
and television show. The above story also appears in the Dilbert
Newsletter, by Scott Adams. To subscribe to the Dilbert Newsletter,
visit www.dilbert.com, or send e-mail to
dilbert-text-on@list.unitedmedia.com."
The Dilbert Zone webpage is at:
http://www.dilbert.com
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The Funy Things Kids Say!
Grace Witwer Housholder, Kendallville, IN USA
Be sure to look for her books: The Funny Things Kids Say!
TO RECEIVE the delightful weekly "Funny Kids" e-mail column send a
blank message to: funnykids-subscribe@onelist.com
TO READ past columns go to: http://www.onelist.com/archive/funnykids
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Thought For The Day:
"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own
sunshine."
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)
Verse for the Day:
"Man's pride shall bring him low: but honor shall uphold the humble
in spirit."
Proverbs 29:23
Kid's Thought For The day:
"Everyone's afraid of funny noises at night."
Parent's Thought For The Day
"The quickest for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down
and look comfortable."
-Lane Olinghouse
Coach's Thought For The Day
"As a coach the important thing is not what happens when you are
there,
but what happens when you are not there."
Deep Thought For The Day:
How do you pronounce my name?
With reverence.
_
/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / THUNDER27@aol.com http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \ Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live for the Son
\_\/ of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
Video Imagery (Michael's Video Production Business)
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we gave them. They loved it, to say the least! Within thirty
seconds my mom was crying and my dad did too. They said it was
the best Christmas gift we could have given them!! You did such
a beautiful job! They were so suprised and so touched---they
really, really, really loved it. Thanks for helping to make it so
special to us all. My mom mentioned how the songs were perfect for
the video too! Thanks again!"
Kelli (RKaGe@aol.com) College Station, TX
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