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{Straight From the Heart}   *Time to Laugh!*  6/29/00
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Welcome to "Straight From the Heart!"

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I thought it might be time to get away from the inspirational stories 
and just plain laugh ourselves silly.  Hope you enjoy the break from 
the regular format!
Michael
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I once had a car with a delay cutoff switch for the headlights, which 
allowed me to walk from my car to my home with a clearly lit path.  This 
convenience, however, had some disadvantages.  When I left my car in parking 
lots, well-meaning people often called out to say I'd forgotten the lights.  
Then I usually had to explain.  One night as I rushed from my car toward the 
supermarket, a man in a car lowered his window as I passed and told me about 
"the lights."

   Just then, I turned toward my car, folded one arm over the other and 
blinked "I-Dream-of-Jeannie" style.  At that precise moment, the headlights 
turned off.  I leaned down toward the astonished man, thanked him and hurried 
into the store.

~~Reader's Digest


**********

A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the 
Ramada Hotel where the Green Bay Packer fan club was holding 
its Annual Convention. More than 500 Packer fans were taken as 
hostages.

The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands 
were met, they would release one Packer fan every hour.

**********

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military
assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany 
with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11. Collecting our 
many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A 
young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," 
he said, "do all these children and this luggage belong
to you?"

"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine."

The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you have any 
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"

"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would 
have used them by now."

The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase.

**********
Two Green Bay Packer fans were taking a stroll one day and walked 
upon some  tracks. One Packer fan said they were deer tracks. The other 
said they were bear tracks...

... While they were arguing, a train ran them over.

*********
Two campers are walking through the woods when suddenly a huge brown
bear appears in the clearing about fifty feet in front of them. The bear
sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his
backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers and frantically begins to put them
on. The second guy says, 'What are you doing?  Sneakers won't help you
outrun that bear.'  'I don't need to outrun the bear,' the first guy
says. 'I just need to outrun you.'

*****************

 In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of 
 beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine 
 chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of 
 primitive self-expression..... In America we call 
 it golf.

***************
Of course we had to have at least one blonde joke in here!
Kristi is blonde by the way....

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the
blonde jokes.  So one evening she went home and memorized
all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb
blonde joke.  She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes.  I want you to know
that this blonde went home last night and did something probably
none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said "I don't believe you.
What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N", she answered.

***************

EXCUSE ME?
"I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because
someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at
the top."  -- English Professor, Ohio University


My thanks to Barbie for supplying some of the above jokes.  Especially the 
Packer fan ones.  I took liberty with them of course, and she might 
not recognize them.

Laugh your way through your day everyone!
Michael

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Thought For The Day:

"A Christian must keep the faith, but not to himself."
(Jim Patrick)

Verse for the Day:

"Go ye into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."
Mark 16:15

Kid's Thought For The day:

"If it is going to be two against one, make sure you are not the one."

Parent's Thought For The Day

"Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're 
going to catch you in next."
(Franklin P. Jones)

Coach's Thought For The Day

"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." 
(Vince Lombardi -  former coach of some football team in Wisconsin)




  _
/_/\/\    MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\  /    THUNDER27@aol.com   http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/  \    "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \   Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body I live for the Son
   \_\/   of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."  Galatians 2:20	



Video Imagery (Michael's Video Production Business)

"I thought of you first after my family sat down to watch the video 
we gave them. They loved it, to say the least!  Within thirty 
seconds my mom was crying and my dad did too.  They said it was 
the best Christmas gift we could have given them!!  You did such 
a beautiful job!  They were so suprised and so touched---they 
really, really, really loved it.  Thanks for helping to make it so 
special to us all.  My mom mentioned how the songs were perfect for 
the video too!  Thanks again!"
         
Kelli  (RKaGe@aol.com)    College Station, TX 

Let me make you a video from your pictures or home movies!
Check out the web page for Michael's video production business!
 Video Imagery 
http://members.aol.com/Videoimg/index.html