{Straight From the Heart} *My Heart Aches* 12/13/99

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My Heart Aches

By Michael T. Powers

My heart aches tonight..........

I ache for a wife and mother who's heart was broken and who's dreams were
shattered, when she heard the words, "I'm having an affair." A mother who
doesn't have time to worry about herself, and is looking to her children's
needs. As she goes about her daily life, she is stopped cold by images that
make her physically sick. She tries not to let them flash through her head,
but they still come. The images of her husband with another woman..... While
she was in the hospital, the day after the birth of their fourth child, and he
was with another woman!!! The images stop her in her tracks, and she doubles
over, while bile rises to her throat......
My heart breaks for the woman who works full-time, and has been forced to
take on a second job to help ends meet. The time she can spend with her little
ones is filled with thoughts of what might have been. She's so tired. Oh so
tired. She tries concentrating on a children's book, and wakes up with a jerk
of her head. "Mom, could you read us the story?"
At times, every fiber of her being is crying out..... Crying out for answers.
Crying out for help. Crying out for the strength to face each day. A woman who
has been forced into such activity that she doesn't have the proper time to think
things through, let alone deal with the curve ball, life has thrown her way. A
woman who, while at work, is suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and has to find a
private spot to let her grief run it's course, or is forced to bury her feelings
inside, just to meet her daily responsibilities.
I ache for this woman who feels a sense of betrayal so deep, that her self-worth
has been stripped away to expose the nerve endings of her inner being. When the air
of reality washes over these nerves, she screams inside from the pain, and then
slowly returns to the dull ache that never goes away........
I ache for a teenage girl, who's sense of security has been stolen. A
young lady who is torn between her mom and dad. One moment she is angry,
but before she can deal with her emotion, it changes to confusion, then
sadness, then bitterness. "WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?! WHY GOD?!
WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY!?"

Which parent to believe? Which one to trust? Whom do I blame?

"Maybe it is because of me...." She tries to push the thoughts away......

She deals with it in the only way she knows how. She stuffs her
feelings deep inside herself. To a place that will never see the light
of day..... But she is sadly mistaken if she thinks she can avoid dealing
with her feelings. They will come out. Someday, somewhere, they will come
out. And if they haven't been dealt with....... (I shudder.....)
She deals with the stares at school. She hears the whispers. She hears the rumors.
She doesn't want to talk about it. "Why do people keep asking me if I want to
talk about it!! Just leave me alone!!"
But when she goes to bed, and tries to find some much needed rest, her thoughts
haunt her. She can be strong in front of her friends and family, but when she is
all alone at night, she lets her guard down....... She thought it was for the
best. Her mom and dad were constantly fighting! If they get a divorce, there
will finally be peace in the house.......but there is no peace, only an open
wound, as another family is torn apart. A wound that is ever so slow in healing,
and leaves scars that will affect everyone for the rest of their lives.......
The silence of the night is broken by her sobs.

My heart aches for four little children. Two girls and two boys. Beautiful
children, who have been thrown this way and that way, as their parents try to
get back at each other.

"You have a new mommy now."

"Don't tell your father I let you do that."

"Why can't you be a big boy for mommy now, and stop crying."

"If that is the way you are going to act, you can go live with your idiot for a father!"

I cry for the little boy at his soccer match. He scans the crowd before his
game looking for his daddy.... He's doesn't see his face.......The match
starts. Every chance he gets he looks toward the parking lot to see if
his dad is coming.
"He told me he wouldn't miss this for the world!"
The little candles of light in the boy's eyes start to flicker, and then
die out.

Another promise broken. Another scar made. Another life affected.

"What do you mean he cried when I didn't come? I know I told him I would
be there, but he has to understand that I have a life too. I don't have to
be there every time, do I?"
But as the father hangs up the phone, he knows he let his son down.
If he goes to the game, his new wife will get on him. She doesn't want him
to be there. She knows his first wife will want to sit by him as they share
their son's game...... He hates dealing with the yelling so he takes the easy
way out.......

I cry for these four children. Children who are growing up way before their
time. Children who are being forced into things they should never have to deal
with at a young age. Children who just can't be children anymore.......

My heart aches for a father and husband. A husband who stays at home while his
bride is gone late into the night. Sometimes she doesn't even come home. He
plays with his young daughter, but his thoughts are somewhere else. As he tucks
her in at night, he forces a smile, kisses her, and tries to make up another
story as to why mommy didn't come home. Does she even care about him anymore?
Does she even care what it is doing to her daughter?
I ache for this woman also. She runs from her problems; goes from this person
to that person, as she searches for something to fill the void in her life. She
will look back on this time and weep bitterly. Weep for the times she missed out
with her young daughter. Weep as she realizes that she had everything she was
searching for, right at home.....
I hurt for a husband who listened to the world. A husband who stood before
his bride and promised to be faithful......promised for better or for worse.....
Words that had no meaning.....
A man who thinks he has been rid of his problems. His listens to the lies
that come from his mouth. "I'll make a new life with this woman. I'll be happy.
I owe it to myself to be happy. The kids are young, they will adjust..."
Although he is now with a different person, he finds the problems he ran from
are still there. He tries to tell himself otherwise.....but he knows now. So
many lives hurt. So many promises broken.
Some mornings he can't even face himself in the mirror.......

I weep for a husband who felt he had no choice but to leave his wife and
children. Too many fights, too many conflicts, too much pain. He wonders if
he made the right decision. He tells himself it was for the best. He tells
himself that if he stayed, things would have been worse, so he tells his wife
and children he is leaving.
"I just don't love her anymore. We can't make it work."
But he wonders what this will do to his children. He wonders how this decision
will affect his life. He wonders if there was any way he could have made it work...
My heart is torn for a wife and mother who is left to cope. A woman whose
life crumbled around her when she heard the words, "I'm leaving you." A wife
who feels the pain with every heart beat, and is left crawling on the floor of
existence, slowly searching for the pieces of the life she thought she had. A
woman who is left to ponder what is wrong with her. Left to deal with feelings
that she is not attractive enough anymore. Left to think, "If only I had done
this, he would have stayed." She saw it coming, but never thought it would happen.
The fights were more frequent, the intimacy was gone, the communication was
nonexistent. But she never thought it would happen. She is left reeling and
dizzy, as she searches for answers, and tries to untangle the mess her life has
become. Some days she calls out to God and wonders how she will make it through
another day

I ache for a woman who purposely set out to destroy a family. Oh, she
doesn't call it that. No, she tells herself that he obviously wasn't happy
with his wife. She is the only one who can make him happy...... The delusion
continues as she plans her new life and family with this man. This man she
slept with while he was still married. The secret meeting places, the lies
to cover what was going on. And never once does it occur to her that he will
betray his vows once again.
"No way will he cheat on me. He loves me!" she tells herself.

That's what his first wife thought..........

I weep for these families...... I pray for these families.......

I ache.......

Too many lives are being destroyed. Too many futures are being snuffed out.
Too many children have no place to feel secure. No place to run to when the cares
of the world grow too burdensome. Home is not safe anymore. Home is not.......home anymore.

Kristi and I have seen so many families broken apart, that we often wonder if
it might happen to us someday. What chance does any marriage have in today's world?

But we refuse to get discouraged.

I know that God can change lives, and heal emotional wounds. I know that God can
impress upon a young couple to honor their vows. I know that God can take a hopeless
situation and bring people back together again. I have seen it. I have seen couples
give their marriages to God, and seemingly hopeless situations become strong
marriages again. But it takes work........ Lot's of work! In fact if we
both knew before we got married how much work it was going to be, I don't
know if we would have walked the aisle together. But I can honestly say that
when you love each other the way God intends, it becomes easier. When I treat
Kristi with love, honor, and respect, she wants to do the same for me. When I
stop trying to change what I think is wrong with her and change the things I
know is wrong with me, our relationship improves. The more she looks to my
needs, the more I want to look to her needs. When you stop listening to the
world, and start listening to what God says about relationships, miraculous
things happen!
The most important thing my wife and I have learned in our eleven years
of marriage, is that love is not a feeling. It is a decision.

Let me write that again:

Love is not a feeling. It is a decision.

Kristi chose to love me early in our marriage. If our marriage was based
on how she felt, Kristi would have left me years ago. While I have never
cheated on her, I was not there for my wife emotionally, and I totally looked
to my own needs and wants. But through it all, Kristi chose to love me. She
chose to love me when I hurt her with my words. She chose to love me when I
sacrificed her for my side of the family. She chose to love me when I placed
my athletic endeavors as more important than our relationship. When the feelings
were gone and dead, she chose to love me. And when I chose to love her back?
The feelings she thought were dead, came alive again! You see, when you choose
to love, the feelings follow.
God worked through Kristi to get my attention, and to start making me into
the man of God I needed to be. I am still a piece of clay that God is molding
and shaping, and I still have a long way to go, but I know that Kristi is happy
for the first time in a long time. Our relationship grows stronger everyday.
We still have our setbacks, but I know that God will continue to make us into
the husband and wife he wants us to be......

My heart continues to ache for the situations we have seen in the lives of
those around us. Situations that have no winners. But I have learned something
from each broken family that I see. I have learned that it can happen to anyone.
Including Kristi and I. With each ache that I feel, I develop a stronger resolve
to make my marriage work. I learn to depend on God more in my relationship. I
vow that I will make a loving home for my children to grow up in, no matter what
personal wants I have to set aside. And most of all, I am forever grateful for
the incredible wife that God picked out for me in advance, and for the Godly men
and women that He has placed in our lives as mentors, friends, and examples.
This world needs spouses who will honor their vows, parents who will place the
needs of their children before theirs, and children who have a loving home in
which to grow and blossom into the spouses and parents of the future. It is
time to break the patterns. It is time to stand at an alter, look into your
soulmate's eyes, and tell each other that divorce is not an option. Tell
each other that you will make it work, no matter how hard it may be at times.
Stand up to what the world so enticingly whispers in your ears. The grass is
not greener on the other side. Take care of your own lawn and garden. And as
you watch it grow and bloom around you, you won't even be able to see the other side!

As always, I would love to hear what you thought of this story! Email me at:
Thunder27@aol.com

Michael is happily married to his high school sweetheart Kristi, and has
two boys: Caleb (4 years old) and Connor (1 year old.) Several of his
stories will be published this coming spring and he is working on his
first book. He owns a video production business, coaches high school
girls basketball, and is the founder of "Straight From the Heart," a
free daily E-Zine that features inspirational and uplifting stories,
often by published writers.

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I wanted to wish a very happy birthday to my beloved sister Christina.

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UPDATE:
Dear Michael,
My friend Santos is out of the hospital. They released him on the
Dec. 3rd. He's doing better but not by much. He came back to school on the
7th. Please continue to pray for him. I went back to see my orthopedic doctor
and he said that I flunked both my rounds of physical therapy. He also said
that we're running out of options. Right now he wants me to do exercises at
home, but if the swelling doesn't go down and the pain gets worse I'm to call
and we'll set me up an appointment with a surgeon. I hope that my knees start
feeling better but I don't know what's going to happen. I'm leaving it in God's
hands. Please pray for me while I go through this rough time of pain. For those
of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I have a disease called
chondromalsia which means bad cartilage in both my knees. I found out a
couple weeks ago that I also have a touch of arthritis in both my knees.

Thanx,
Charlotte
CBEA15@aol.com

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Thought For The Day:

"Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one."
(Marcus Aurelius)

Verse for the Day:

"Be an example for the believers, in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity."
1 Timothy 4:12

Kid's Thought For The day:

"Half a nap is worse than none."

Parent's Thought For The Day

"A happy childhood is one of the best gifts that parents have it in their power to bestow."
(Mary Cholondeley)

Coach's Thought For The Day

"The best excuse is the one you never make."

Deep Thought For The Day:

"If people were not meant to have late-night snacks, why did God put a light
in the refrigerator?"

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/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / THUNDER27@aol.com http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \ Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live for the Son
\_\/ of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20