{Straight From the Heart} *My Wild Child* 12/29/99
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MY WILD CHILD
I think most everyone has an idea in their head about what life will
be like when they have children. I was told at the age of 22 that my
chances of getting pregnant were very slim. I practiced my
"maternal instincts" on nieces, nephews, and children of friends.
At the age of 34, much to my delight and surprise, I became preg-
nant. As the pregnancy progressed I imagined fun-filled days in
the park, the excitement of Christmas mornings, baking cookies for
school parties, and taking my child to Sunday school to instill faith
in and a love for the Lord.
One aggravating thing after another went wrong during my pregnancy.
I got a pinched nerve in my back, my blood sugar level got too high,
I suffered a kidney stone attack in the eighth month and then developed
toxemia. The doctor couldn't get my blood pressure down to a safe
level so decided to induce my labor; thus, my son was born three
weeks earlier than planned.
I knew there was something "different" about him from the very start.
We were kept in the hospital over night and the baby shared my room.
I was on an "adrenaline high" and was wide awake for most of the
night. I would get the baby out of his bed and try to cuddle with him; I
got no response from him at all. He seemed more content to be in
his own bed than snuggled up with me. I attributed this to the fact that
he was three weeks early and just needed time to adjust.
We came home from the hospital and things seemed just fine. That
same night, as soon as I went to bed, the baby started crying. And
it seems like he didn't stop for five months. Between working full
time and being kept awake by a crying baby, I got very little rest. I
became worn out, depressed, and filled with feelings of guilt. I kept
thinking that I must be doing something wrong as a parent or I would
have a happier baby.
During the sixth month or so he finally stopped crying all the time. But
I still couldn't get him to bond with me. I continued to be filled with
guilt. What could I do to get this child to accept me?
The next four years went by and there are several happy memories
found in them. But the rest of the time was just a constant battle. My
son seemed more than willing, eager in fact, to butt heads with me on
EVERY issue. I had never had to deal with such a child and didn't know
anyone personally who had.
Finally, at his kindergarten registration and evaluation in the spring, the
school secretary suggested I have him put on Ritalin before school
started that fall. I took him to the family doctor who didn't want to medi-
cate him without the opinion of a child psychiatrist, so off we went for
an evaluation. After filling out several forms and getting the papers
"graded," it was determined that my son is ADHD (Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder) and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder).
As bad as this sounds, I left the doctor's office feeling like a weight
had been lifted from my shoulders. It wasn't ME! I really wasn't a
BAD mom! I thought, "Now we know what is wrong so we can FIX
it!" Oh what joy! I soon discovered, much to my dismay, that these
problems aren't that easily solved. The Ritalin helps to keep him in
his seat and to focus a little easier. Now they are considering having
him tested for a learning disability as well.
I now realize that I need to find new ideals on what our family life will
be like. Those fun-filled days in the park end with tantrums when it's
time to leave. Those exciting Christmas mornings are a let down
because he really wanted THAT instead of this. He acts up when I
participate in classroom activities. He is quite often anti-social and
is such a distraction, that I gave up taking him to Sunday school.
I have quit associating with a few of my friends because not only did
I get NO moral support from them, I got nothing but criticism on my
abilities as a parent. They are of the mistaken belief that all I have to
do is "crack down" or "get a grip on" my son NOW or he will only get
worse as he gets older. I have been told (by them) that Ritalin is just
a placebo drug, there is no such things as these disorders and all
he needs is a good "butt whacking!"
They have no idea of the prayers I've prayed or the tears I've cried
over my son's condition. They have no idea how many trips to child
psychiatrists and counselors we have made. They have no idea of
how it feels to have your dreams shattered when you can't even take
your child to a movie or a restaurant because you never know what
may trigger a "meltdown."
If you have never experienced problems such as these with your own
child, please remember to thank God daily. If you know someone
who is dealing with a child such as this, please pray for them and
offer some sort of support. Don't judge until you have walked a mile
in their shoes.
I thank God that as a family, we DO have some fun times and togeth-
erness. Underneath all the pent up anger rolling around in my five and
a half year old, he CAN produce a giggle now and then. I thank God
when my son comes up to me unexpectedly to give me a hug and a
kiss and says, "You're the best mommy in the whole reeled." I know
that somewhere out there are parents who do not even get THAT
much from their "problem child." My heart goes out to these families
and I always remember them in prayer.
T. Davis
ludwig63@yahoo.com
A bit about Terri:
I am very happily married and the mother of a five
year old "special needs" child. As a family we enjoy
camping and fishing. I have worked at the same job
for 21 years now on an assembly line. I enjoy a
close, personal relationship with God and encourage
all others to do the same. The latest hobby to
capture my attention has been piecing quilts.
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UPDATE:
From: MLewis3011@aol.com (Marcia)
This is just a quick update on my brother Jason's progress with his battle against
liver cancer.
Jason was in hospital two weeks ago receiving his third dose of chemotherapy.
Upon examination by a doctor, the doctor had difficulty in locating the tumour
which is occupying 80% of his liver. The doctor then proceeded to call a more
senior doctor to examine Jason's abdomen and he also had trouble locating the tumour (AMEN).
Please may I ask you to continue to solicit the Lord with your prayers remembering Jason.
On 10 January he (Jason) is due to return to hospital for his final course of chemotherapy
and a prognosis report.
With many thanks,
Marcia Lewis
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Thought For The Day:
"Many a man thinks he has an open mind, when it's merely vacant."
Verse for the Day:
"...I warn everyone among you not to estimate and think of himself more highly
than he ought."
Romans 12:3
Kid's Thought For The day:
"Don't tease a big kid."
Parent's Thought For The Day
"A torn jacket is soon mended; but hard words bruise the heart of a child."
(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)
Coach's Thought For The Day
"Only two kinds of players disappoint me. A player who does nothing he is told,
and one who will do nothing else."
(John Kessel)
Deep Thought For The Day:
"Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?"
_
/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / THUNDER27@aol.com http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \ Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live for the Son
\_\/ of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20