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My Parent is Not My Enemy


My dad and I had been working outside all Saturday morning.
My father loves to prune trees and bushes, and on our three acres
there were plenty of trees and bushes to clip.

On this particular Saturday morning, I'd been recruited to help my
dad--whether I liked it or not. My job was to deliver wheelbarrow
after wheelbarrow full of clippings to the dumpster. The piles
seemed endless to me. And my father had no intention of stopping.
Needless to say, I was less than thrilled about spending my Saturday
doing yard work.

When the dumpster was full, I assumed we were done for the day.
So when my dad moved on to another tree, my blood started to boil.
"Let's take a break for a moment," my father finally suggested. As
we sat in the shade, my dad started giving me a hard time about
my attitude. He knew I wasn't happy, but his feeble attempts to
cheer me up only fueled my frustration. Then something bad happened.

My dad started mimicking my pouting face, and I decided I'd had
enough. In the heat of the moment, I did something I'd never done
before--and have never done since. I punched my father--right in the chest.
He was stunned. I was stunned. Hitting was unacceptable in my
family. Where had my violent outburst come from? I didn't pause
to wonder. Instead, I started running. And my dad started running after me.
My dad hadn't chased me since I was in elementary school, but
I remembered that I'd never been able to get away from him. He
always caught me. But things had changed since then. Now I was
15 years old, and my dad was also much older. And I was on the
track and field team at my high school.
 
I sprinted across our three acres to a corner of the property
furthest from our house. I didn't look back because I was afraid
that if I did, I'd see my dad's arm reaching out to grab me. But
when I got to the fence at the back of the property, I had no choice.
I was out of options. So I turned around to find that my dad was...not even close to me.

He was about an acre away, hunched over, and huffing and
puffing. I had outrun my father.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, I couldn't help smiling.
I'd beaten my dad! All my life, he'd won every competition we'd
ever had. Board games, tennis, basketball--he beat me at everything.
Finally, though, the tables had turned. I'd beaten him at something.
My dad stood up, smiled at me, and waved as I did a little victory
dance. And that made me reconsider my situation. Why had my
dad smiled at me? Why did he walk back to the house?

I sat down on a clump of grass and reviewed my circumstances.
I had won; he had lost. But I was sitting alone in the field, and he
was in the house! I knew at some point I was going to have to
face him. I couldn't stay in the field all day...or could I?

My dad had smiled because he knew I'd have to return home
eventually. And then I'd have to deal with the consequences of
my actions. I learned the hard way that in a battle between
parent and kid, there's rarely a clear-cut winner. I hope I can offer
you some chunks of wisdom to help you in your relationship with
your parents...

At some point most students will have to deal with tough times in
their relationships with their parents. And when a serious conflict
occurs, it can have a huge impact on your life. It can affect every
other relationship you have. It can cause you to doubt yourself.
It can make you question everything you thought you could take
for granted. Like it or not, the way you deal with your parents
will become a cornerstone of the rest of your life.

For all of its importance, though, I've found that students aren't
very interested in hearing about how to get along with their parents.
They'd much rather hear God's wisdom regarding sex and dating,
or movies and music, or making money.

Why is there so little interest in an issue as important or vital
as your first--and probably longest-lasting--relationship? For one
thing, most students believe they're doing just fine with their
moms and dads, thankyouverymuch. Recent surveys reveal that
teenagers and parents are pretty happy together, for the most
part. Despite the fact that most students will go through a rough
time with the 'rents, the majority say they're in an okay place at
any given moment. So why talk about fixing what seemingly isn't
broken? For starters, being "okay" isn't always the same thing
as living wisely in relation to our parents.

On the other side of the coin, many students who are currently
on the outs with Mom and Dad don't want to hear me talk
about God's wisdom on the issue because they're convinced
they already know what I'm going to say:

"Your parents are right. You're wrong. So be quiet and do what they say."
Actually, that's not what I say...

Please understand me: This article is NOT about getting you to fall in
line and be a good little soldier in your parents' army. It's NOT about
trying to fix your behavior issues at home. It's NOT about convincing
you that your parents are right about everything. It's NOT about making
you believe it's all your problem if you have an issue with your folks...

We live in a time when people have more access to information than
at any other point in the planet's history. The Internet has changed
everything. You can know whatever there is to know about any given
topic at any hour of any day...

Wisdom isn't information. It isn't raw knowledge. Wisdom is the ability
to take all of the data--all of the input--and make some sense of it.
Wisdom is the ability to hold on to information and use it to make
good choices--choices that matter. Put enough wise choices together,
and you'll find yourself standing knee-deep in a life worth living--instead
of just floating along on an ocean of confusing ideas and possibilities.
More than ever, people need wisdom--and we need it right now...

Learning God's wisdom is the key to understanding...everything.
That includes your parents. You need God's wisdom to figure out
how your relationship with Mom and Dad is supposed to work now
that you're no longer a kid, but you're not quite an adult either. You
need God's wisdom to figure out how to honor and obey Mom and
Dad while you're also breaking away from them.

You'll be surprised by some of the things I call wisdom. Some
readers will discover they need to listen to their parents LESS.
Some will discover extremely effective strategies for getting their
folks to give them MORE freedom. And a few will realize they can
use their parents' most glaring weaknesses to make life better in
the long run.

Becoming wise about your relationship with Mom and Dad will
be a lot easier if you can find some empathy (or the ability to feel
what they feel) for them...

**
Taken from "Wisdom On...Getting Along with Parents" by Mark Matlock,
copyright 2008 Youth Specialties/Zondervan. Used by permission. Order the book here:

http://www.youthspecialties.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=432